ISSUE

SUMMER 2019

SPEAKING OF ABORTION

IN A SOCIETY SO DIVIDED ON THE SUBJECT OF ABORTION, talking about the sanctity of life can be extremely challenging. For the Sisters of Life, such conversations are a critical part of their mission. We asked Sr. Virginia Joy, director of the Respect Life Office of the Archdiocese of New York, how she approaches these interactions.

Archways: What does it mean to be pro-life? How do you represent that in conversation?

Sr. Virginia Joy: People are full of stereotypes or caricatures of what somebody who’s pro-life must be like – judgmental and condemning and difficult, someone who only cares about the baby in the womb and not the woman – so we have to make it human. Every individual’s experience is so personal, so unique. And every person’s experience – every person, really – must be held in great reverence.

The right to life is really reverence for life; reverence for God, the author of life; and then reverence for myself. From that disposition, I can uphold every individual that comes before me. After that, it’s about listening.

AW: At the Respect Life Office, your Hope and Healing mission offers retreats and counseling for women who have had an abortion at any point in their lives and who are suffering as a result. How do you speak to a woman who has had an abortion?

SVJ: We should receive a woman who has suffered an abortion as we would receive any woman, frankly: as a great gift. We could never imagine in detail why a woman or a couple might have felt pressured or scared into having an abortion. You have to resist the urge to sit in judgment and just try to receive them with mercy and hope.

Many people experience a past abortion as a hidden grief because abortion is so culturally acceptable that it’s considered unreasonable to grieve, to mourn the loss. Whenever I’m speaking to a group, I know there are women who have experienced an abortion and maybe still experience shame or guilt. Our language has to be reverence and love and always mercy. Remember that God desires to restore, to renew. He desires to make all things new, including our hearts.

AW: How would you speak to a pregnant woman who is planning or considering an abortion?

SVJ: Our first response is to receive the individual. Here in New York, around 800 pregnant women come to us every year. We say that we “listen them back into life.” We just want to get to know them. We delight in them. Through the Holy Spirit, we ask for the grace to be moved by their goodness.

Every individual is good, beautiful, created and known by God. I try to act as a mirror, to reflect the goodness that I see in her. Because if she can’t reverence her own value and worth, she’s not going to be able to recognize it in anybody, including the child she’s carrying. We let her “empty the bucket.” What is she carrying? What are her fears?

We find that women are choosing abortion out of fear: fear that my parents or my boyfriend won’t accept this child or accept me. Fear for housing. Fear of not being able to finish school or that I’ll lose my job. The fears are kind of endless. The culture pits the woman against her child. 

We know that if a woman is making a decision in fear, she’s really not free. Our role as Sisters of Life is to say “What can we do to help, to free you of your fears? If we could help out with a housing situation or an employment situation, or if we could meet with your family – if we could alleviate the fear – what then do you most desire to choose?” We would say that the heart of a woman desires to give life to the child she carries within.

AW: How should we speak to a pro-choice advocate?

SVJ: With this particular topic, dialogue sometimes seems impossible. Often, I think, the person who is so adamant may have suffered an abortion herself. To condemn something that she has personally experienced would be incredibly difficult. So I try to treat her with reverence.

We use a tool called reflective listening. In the desire to protect a woman’s “choice,” we can reflect that there’s legitimate concern for the woman. So here is our common ground: She is for the woman, and I am too. I can say, “My concern is too many women are choosing abortion out of fear. And what are we doing as a culture to support her if she chooses life? Are we doing enough?” I think all of us can agree we’re not.

We can also talk on the immigration side: So many immigrant women think, because they’re undocumented, that they can’t have medical care. Right there you are on common ground, typically, with a pro-choice person. You can say, I know that you and I disagree on when life begins, but I am on board with your concern for women. That’s a starting point.

AW: Can conversations change lives?

SVJ: In our Hope and Healing mission, we’ve seen women change physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. There was one woman, probably in her fifties, who went to confession for the first time on one of our retreats, and afterward she went outside and started doing cartwheels. Literally. The priests were looking out the window in amazement. God is so powerful, and He just desires to totally make anew these women’s lives. When we release our fears and sins and burdens and things that we’re ashamed of, God desires literally to create new life out of it. We see that again and again with the women we work with.