FAMILY MATTERS: PARENT/CHILD

SPRING 2022

GETTING STARTED

IT ALL STARTS WITH LOVE. A husband and wife are joined in marriage, and out of their love for one another a child is born. A family is formed. Love multiplies.

From the day a Catholic couple decides to get married, the Church is ready to support them. This support will last for the rest of the couple’s lives, and it begins with marriage preparation. In the Archdiocese of New York, the Family Life Office has a blended program that includes in-person and virtual Pre-Cana days. The office also partners with pastors and parishes to administer relationship inventories that help couples learn to thrive together emotionally, spiritually, and even financially. “While the bride and groom are preoccupied with preparing for a wedding, we help them prepare for a lifetime together,” says Family Life director Dr. Kathleen Wither. For more detail about programs in the archdiocese, see “Joined in Spirit,” Archways Fall 2021.

Long after the honeymoon, God stays with the bride and groom – and so does the Church. The Family Life Office helps couples plan their pregnancies through fertility awareness-based methods (FABM) of natural family planning. New technology makes this process more precise than ever using wearable sensors, artificial intelligence algorithms, and constant upgrades to allow for the latest findings of reproductive science. With proper training, using the FEMM app and others like it, husbands and wives can better predict the days when the likelihood of getting pregnant is highest. While nothing can diminish the divine mystery of conception, natural family planning gives prospective parents the opportunity to prepare for receiving their baby into the world intentionally.

Help is also available for couples who are having problems with infertility or have had multiple miscarriages. Catholic Health’s Gianna Center of New York City, a medical practice that has served as a resource for the Archdiocese of New York since 2009, specializes in helping couples conceive and carry babies to term using methods in keeping with Catholic doctrine. Since opening, the center has helped couples bring more than 1,500 babies into the world. “Families keep in touch with us for years with updates on their children,” says Dr. Anne Nolte, the center’s founder and director. “We are blessed to be able to do this work.” To contact the Gianna Center, visit chsli.org/gianna-center or call 212-481-1219.

Each child’s story is unique, as is the journey of each family. All are equally loved by God. Couples who choose to adopt can find referrals and counseling through the Respect Life Office of the Archdiocese of New York. The same office, administered by the Sisters of Life, provides loving support to single mothers, whether they choose to parent their babies or entrust them to adoptive families. From the moment of conception through childbirth and beyond, ministries throughout the archdiocese can help women get free pregnancy tests, counseling, material and emotional support, medical care, educational programs, housing referrals, and more. Women from any location can be served as part of the Walking With Moms in Need initiative. The archdiocese also offers support for couples who receive an adverse prenatal diagnosis for their unborn child, providing referrals to life-affirming medical care and, if necessary, hospice care for newborn children with life-limiting conditions.

LEARNING TO WALK

FOR NEW PARENTS, there seems a never-ending series of things to learn: how to hold, feed, soothe, and swaddle the new family member, how to change a diaper and lay a baby safely and gently down to sleep. Amid this, Catholic parents must not neglect the most important event of their child’s life: baptism.

Baptism opens the door for eternal life in Heaven with our Creator. It also welcomes a new Catholic into the Church. The sacrament begins a baby’s life as a member of the parish community, and starts the child down the road toward other sacraments that will mark significant milestones in life: reconciliation, first Communion, confirmation. It also brings into the baby’s life two important people: the godparents, who vow to help the parents guide their child in the faith.

On the earthly side, the Family Life Office offers ongoing support in the many practical and emotional duties of new parents. One such program, from Fr. Flanagan’s Boystown, is called Common Sense Parenting. This series of six weekly workshops was designed to take place locally, in the parishes. It teaches parents how to stay calm in moments of anxiety, how to use consequences instead of punishment to shape behavior, and other important skills. There are two versions of the program based on the ages of the children: one for parents of toddlers and preschoolers (ages 0-6), the other for parents of school-age children (ages 6-16).

Since the onset of Covid-19, Common Sense Parenting has pivoted to a virtual format through Zoom. Both classes are being offered for spring 2022. For more information, visit archny.org/ministries-and-offices/family-life/parenting/parents, and look under “Parenting Programs.”

Another mainstay of the archdiocesan services for parents of young children, ParentCare, has been on hold since the pandemic shut-downs began. In this program, which takes place in local parishes, parents and caregivers gather one morning a week for group discussion, including expert guests, while their children engage in supervised play in a room next door. For more information, or to start a ParentCare group in your parish, visit archny.org/ministries-and-offices/family-life/parenting/parents. 

LEARNING TO PRAY

ONCE THEY HAVE BEEN BAPTIZED and socialized, it’s time for children to begin learning more about their faith. The greatest instructional asset for their religious education is the Mass itself. Parents are encouraged to bring their young ones to church with them; answering their questions after Mass is a great opportunity to tell young ones about God’s love for them. For children who have a hard time sitting still and keeping quiet, many parishes have a family room with a large window and a speaker to amplify the sounds of the ceremony. Some also offer a children’s liturgy, where youngsters between the ages of 4 and 8 are led from the church to a separate room after the opening prayer. They hear the Word of God in a form they can more readily understand, then rejoin their families in the church in time for the Liturgy of the Eucharist and the Lord’s Prayer.

More formal religious education begins in kindergarten or first grade. Children who are not enrolled in a Catholic school attend religious education classes sponsored by the parish and taught by parishioners in order to begin their formation in the faith and prepare to receive the sacraments of reconciliation and Communion.

In the sacrament of reconciliation, boys and girls learn to examine their consciences and understand the nature of sin and the way it affects our relationships with ourself, our family, our community, and our Lord. It’s worthwhile for parents to spend some time talking with their child about this. Sr. Cora Lombardo, ASCJ, director of religious education at Immaculate Conception/Assumption Parish in Tuckahoe, suggests a few minutes of discussion at bedtime. Asking what we are thankful for and what we want to tell God we’re sorry for can “help prepare our children to receive the transformative blessings of the Eucharist,” she says. See “Setting the Stage for First Communion: A Bedtime Q&A,” Archways Spring 2019. 

Learning to say a good confession is a prerequisite for an event most Catholic children will remember for their entire lives: first Communion. On this day, dressed as if for a wedding, they march down the aisle with classmates, surrounded by families and friends, and receive the body of Christ for the first time. It’s a day of celebration, the first (aside from birthday parties) at which they will be guests of honor – and the beginning of a lifelong relationship with Jesus.

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