FAMILY MATTERS

SUMMER 2018

A ParentCare program at Spring 2021 Immaculate Conception / Our Lady of the Assumption parish in Tuckahoe.

THE LIFE OF THE CHURCH BEGINS WITH FAMILY, and it always comes back to family.

Around each of us, family radiates in widening circles, like ripples on a vast pond: immediate family, extended family, community, Church. Each individual family is a “domestic church,” in the words of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and the Church is the ultimate, infinite family, embracing all.

Families are sources of joy, bonded by love, but they also have needs. Couples need guidance on their way to happiness in matrimony and parenthood. Children must be nurtured, taught, kept safe. We endure illness, pain and suffering that require understanding and healing. And we suffer loss and grief, which – with prayer and pastoral guidance – can be turned to wisdom.

Helping families meet their needs is one of the core missions of the Archdiocese of New York. In the following pages, you’ll read about some of the help we offer families not only in dealing with life’s challenges, but also in finding their way more fully to the joy of God’s creation. You’ll learn about programs to support your own family’s needs – and we hope you might also be inspired to help serve other families in need.
 

“And His Son, where did He send Him? To a palace? To a city, to start a business? He sent Him to a family! God came into the world in a family.”

– Pope Francis, address to World Meeting of Families, Philadelphia, Sept. 2015
 

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“LOVE NEVER FAILS." – 1 Corinthians 13:8

Church of St. Vincent Ferrer, Upper East Side, Manhattan.

When a man and woman decide to join together in matrimony, they bring a new family to life. The Archdiocese of New York supports couples with a marriage preparation program that includes a “Pre-Cana” day (named after the biblical wedding where Jesus performed his first miracle) to lay the groundwork for a successful union. The archdiocese continues to serve couples with faith education, counseling resources and referrals, and more. Read on!
 

PREPARATION FOR THE JOURNEY

et’s face it, once they decide to get married, many couples are focused more on the wedding than the marriage,” says Dr. Kathleen Wither, director of the Family Life Office for the Archdiocese of New York. “That’s a beautiful thing, but to get the most out of a marriage and sustain it for a lifetime, a couple needs to develop some essential tools: self-knowledge, listening skills and honest communication about everything from sex to money to developing a spiritual life together and making decisions regarding children.” The Marriage Prep program provided by the archdiocese is a blend of online and in-person components which together effectively cover life skills as well as faith-based topics.
 

READY TO GET READY

Before attending a Pre-Cana day, couples complete a premarital relationship inventory, typically the online Catholic Couple Checkup (without facilitation), or Prepare/Enrich (with a trained facilitator, usually their priest or deacon), which helps couples discover their relationship strengths as well as growth areas. “There are optional exercises available with each premarital inventory that shine an invaluable light on what couples are doing well or not so well in terms of communication, realistic expectations and being supportive of one another,” Dr. Wither says.
 

BASIC TRAINING

The Pre-Cana day gives many couples their first experience of a sustained collaboration aimed at strengthening their relationship and preparing for an entire life together. They spend the day learning skills, exploring their own feelings and attitudes and practicing the fine art of communicating about awkward but all-important topics – all with the help of trained facilitator-couples who speak from experience. For many couples, the lessons of Pre-Cana become an essential touchstone that enriches their lives throughout the marriage.
 

BEYOND PRE-CANA

• Referrals and Resources: Events such as virtual date nights or wine and cheese evenings are sponsored by the Family Life Office throughout the year. These as well as Catholic marriage coaching, retreats and other resources can be found at archny.org/family-life/marriage-enrichment/.

• Lifelong Growth: The Office of Adult Faith Formation offers religious education for grownups both through parish programming and by providing resources that can be accessed at home, and retreat centers around the archdiocese offer opportunities for couples to detach from day-to-day stresses and distractions to focus on rebuilding faith and family relationships. 

• Difficulty Conceiving: For couples trying to get pregnant, doctors and healthcare professionals at the Gianna Center of New York City provide gynecological and prenatal care, natural family planning education and infertility services – all with a deep commitment to honoring a woman’s dignity and the sanctity of human life. For more information and additional resources, visit archny.org/family-life/fertility-awareness-nfp/infertility-concerns/.

• After a Divorce: The Family Life Office’s Separated & Divorced Ministry offers Surviving Divorce, a 12-week “support seminar” led by trained parish facilitators. Further, it offers training for those in a parish who are interested in facilitating a Separated and Divorce Support Group. The program aims to educate, and alleviate some of the emotional distress and stigma experienced by Catholics struggling with these difficult life events. 
   

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“LET THE LITTLE CHILDREN COME TO ME." – Matthew 19:14

Becoming a parent, like entering a marriage, is a joyful prospect that comes with a lifelong commitment. Beyond the cuteness and the laughter and the pride, Mom and Dad shoulder weighty duties. They must dry the tears, address the fears, attend to illness and injury and guide their children toward academic achievement, sound judgment and Christian faith. Fortunately, they’re not in it alone.

From infancy until maturity, the parishes, schools and agencies of the Archdiocese of New York support children (and their parents) in many ways, providing programs for play and social interaction, religious and academic education, skills and character development in athletics and the arts, and social and emotional support when life gets hard.
 

BABY STEPS

The archdiocese provides behind-the-scenes training and facilitation for many parish-based initiatives, including ParentCare, a weekly parent-led gathering designed to support parents but also take care of children. Sue DiSisto, of the Family Life Office, trains parish leaders and volunteers in how to set up and lead the program. “We call it ParentCare,” she says, “but each parish gives it their own name and adapts it. You have play teachers, who watch the children, then the moms go off for a presentation on parenting skills and ways to teach our faith. Everything from how to deal with tantrums to how to keep the faith alive in your family’s day-to-day life. We might have a dentist or a nurse come in. Parents learn some skills, learn a little more about their faith and get close to others who may have developed ways to keep the faith alive.” (The pandemic has forced some groups to rework what they have to offer. Some groups conducted parenting support sessions outside, others went online.) For living examples of this service at the parish level, see “Reaching Families.”

Another archdiocesan program that is available to parishes that request it is CommonSense Parenting, which presents a series of six two‑hour classes, led by trained instructors, covering thorny challenges faced by parents with kids of all ages – like responding to difficult behavior – “so you can parent with confidence and not lose your cool,” DiSisto says. (This program pivoted online during the pandemic.) If your parish does not offer these programs, tell your pastor you’d like to help set one up.
 

LEARNING TOGETHER

Catechesis (cat-uh-kee-sis) is a daunting word, but it simply means instruction in the faith. Older Catholics, for whom the word may evoke enforced recitations from the Baltimore Catechism, will be glad to learn that religious education has been thoroughly modernized, with colorful and engaging textbooks and activities designed to integrate the classroom into the activities of the parish community.

Family catechesis, a relatively new development, enables parishes to include the entire family in the process. The archdiocese requires every parish to provide five hours of family catechesis at each grade level, and the Catechetical Office assists them in planning how to use that time. The result has been a flowering of creative solutions that bring children and parents together around their shared faith, such as Skype-based instruction and discussion, a family retreat in preparation for a sacrament, or a “virtual pilgrimage” to Lourdes staged in the parish hall.
 

MORE THAN A GAME

When most of us think CYO, we think basketball, and for good reason. The Catholic Youth Organization, a program of Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of New York, fields 1,640 teams in nine counties. Some 17,000 boys and girls participate in its programs every year, building ball-handling, passing and shooting skills, learning how to be a good team member and practicing good sportsmanship in the spirit of Catholic values.

Less well known are CYO programs in track and field (with an annual championship held this year in Icahn Stadium, where Usain Bolt set his first world record), cross-country, golf, bowling and cheerleading – as well as an annual chess tournament and art and essay contests.
 

THE SOUND OF MUSIC

A volunteer band at St. Patrick’s parish in Highland Mills.

Young people interested in music can find opportunities to sing or play through their parishes’ music ministries in a youth choir or as an instrumental soloist (talk to your pastor or music director). In addition, for serious piano students interested in learning to play the organ in a pastoral setting, the Archdiocese of New York Organist Training Program offers affordable instruction from an accomplished teacher-musician. Other music programs offered by the St. Joseph’s Seminary Schola Cantorum can be accessed via dunwoodiemusic.org. 
 

ESSENTIAL RESOURCES

• Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of New York: This organization’s capacious umbrella encompasses services for children with special needs, troubled teens dealing with emotional or substance issues and families facing crises of all sorts, from hunger and homelessness to domestic abuse and social or emotional upheavals.

• Office of Youth Ministry: The central mission of this office is to provide training and program assistance to parishes in their work providing faith formation, advice and activities for teenagers. It also organizes a Summer Service Week for young people, and stages the annual New York Catholic Youth Day, bringing together more than 1,500 high schoolers each fall.

• Catholic Schools: The Catholic schools of the Archdiocese of New York keep our children close to their faith – and boast a record of academic achievement that is competitive with the best.
   

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"HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER." – Exodus 20:12

At ArchCare’s rehab facility in Ferncliff.

One of the great joys of family is the connection of generations: the young and the old joined in mutual love and support. It is each generation’s joyful and daunting responsibility to take care of the one that follows it and the one that preceded it and to help them reach out to one another, as the children enter this world and their elders prepare to enter the next.

In its support of families, the Archdiocese of New York undertakes a special mission in caring for the elderly and helping young and old deal with the physical, social and emotional challenges of aging and death.
 

CARING EXPERTS

The Archdiocese of New York’s healthcare ministry, known as ArchCare, addresses the healthcare, eldercare and social services needs of more than 8,000 individuals and families a day, offering a wealth of resources to help families. Its skilled nursing and rehabilitation centers in Staten Island, Manhattan, the Bronx and Rhinebeck provide long-term residential care as well as short-term rehabilitation. Families seeking alternatives to a nursing home can choose from an array of services, including home nursing, in-home rehabilitation and ArchCare Senior Life, a program of all-inclusive care for the elderly (PACE).

“The beauty of ArchCare Senior Life is that it delivers virtually everything seniors need to continue to enjoy life on their own terms,” says Ellen Gloskin, RN, program director of the Westchester PACE center. “PACE keeps seniors active physically and mentally while maintaining a close watch over their health and other needs, so their families can go to work during the day knowing that their loved one is well cared for.”
 

SOCIAL HEALING

According to Gloskin, “Isolation is a major cause of depression and declining health among seniors.” That’s why, in addition to the ArchCare Senior Life services, the archdiocese supports senior social groups at the parish level, including the programs of the Catholic Grandparents Association. Under its auspices – and with the signoff of their pastor – parish grandparents get together on a weekly or monthly basis to compare notes on helping their grandchildren grow in faith and keeping prayer in their family life. On request, the Family Life Office will help set up the program and advise on getting the most out of it. For information about the program, contact [email protected].
 

AFTER A LOSS

The death of a loved one, whether sudden or long-expected, is devastating to those left behind – no matter how certain they may be that the deceased is now in a better place. In a service funded by the Trustees of St. Patrick’s Cathedral, the Family Life Office trains facilitators to lead bereavement groups through an eight-week process of dealing with grief through personal reflection and community support. “Talking it out with others going through the same process is very healing,” says Family Life’s Vinny DaSilva. "Through this ministry, we experience the Holy Spirit providing great aid and support to those in need." 

If your parish doesn't have a bereavement group, speak with your pastor about starting one. For more information, call Vinny DaSilva in the Family Life Office, 646-794-3168.

For parents who have lost children to any cause of death and at any point in life, the Emmaus ministry is a one-day retreat, in English or Spanish, focused on the spiritual journey of a grieving parent. “The parents come, and they are very broken,” says Susan DiSisto of the Family Life Office. “It’s a huge day, but grieving parents report a peace-filled, healing experience. The parents come and find people who understand what they are going through and they don’t feel so alone.” For more information, contact Susan DiSisto at 646-794-3168. 
 

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"SERVE ONE ANOTHER." – Galatians 5:13

To deepen faith and family bonds, we need only heed the second of Jesus’ great commandments: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Helping those in need gives our lives meaning and purpose, and when a family embraces a mission of service, that sense of purpose increases exponentially in the hearts of parents and children alike. The common value of performing service, whether together or separately, and the process of sharing the experience in conversation if not in person, keeps family members close.
 

START CLOSE TO HOME

The life of kindness begins in the immediate family and moves outward into the parish and beyond. Your first step should be talking to your pastor and other parish leaders. Often parishes are in need of ushers, lectors or Eucharistic ministers. If you’re interested in teaching the faith, ask the parish director of religious education about becoming a catechist. Training is provided by the Archdiocese of New York.

Your parish may have a bereavement group or a ParentCare program that could use volunteers, or branches of the St. Vincent de Paul Society and other service organizations. Many parishes also schedule a Midnight Run (packing and delivering food to the hungry in New York City) or a day of work at a local food pantry, where family members can work side by side. Look in the bulletin for event announcements or speak to your pastor about how to get involved.
 

MARRIAGE PREPARATION

The Family Life Office is looking for married couples to help with Pre-Cana days, from helping with registration to facilitating events. It’s a great chance for married couples to serve together while also deepening their commitment to their own marriage. The office provides training. To learn more, visit archny.org/family-life/working-with-us/. 
 

CATHOLIC YOUTH ORGANIZATION

Chances are there’s a team in your community that needs a coach, or a coach who could use some assistance. Whether it’s basketball or track and field, you don’t need to be an expert to help guide a group of kids. What’s important is communicating the joy of doing your best and the importance of playing fair and showing respect for everyone. “It’s a lot of work,” says Mark Constantine, a volunteer CYO basketball coach at Immaculate Conception in Irvington. “But it’s great. It teaches me how to be a better leader and parent. It teaches them a little bit about basketball and a lot about being a good team member and a good citizen.”
 

CATHOLIC CHARITIES

This dynamic organization has dozens of agencies within its compass, and many of them need volunteers to deliver services to New Yorkers in need. Opportunities abound, from escorting seniors to medical appointments to mentoring foster kids or children with HIV/AIDS or helping at a crisis nursery for children whose parents are temporarily unable to care for them. Visit catholiccharitiesny.org/get-involved.
 

ARCHCARE

The healthcare ministry of the Archdiocese of New York welcomes individuals and families to volunteer in a variety of ways. Adults and teens, as well as groups and company teams, can assist nursing home residents with recreational activities or accompany them to Mass – or even share musical, artistic and other talents at one of ArchCare’s centers. For information, visit archcare.org/volunteer.