21ST-CENTURY CATHOLICS
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BLESSED VS. STRESSED
FALL 2018
7 Ways the Church Can Give Your Life Balance
TO AN ENGINEER, STRESS IS A FORCE, A BURDEN. It bears upon an object or a structure and, if the stress is strong and persistent enough, causes the structure to deform, perhaps even collapse. The factors at work are called stressors. If a bridge or a building or an airplane could worry, it would be in a constant state of anxiety about the effects of gravity, wind, water, temperature and vibration.Unlike bridges, humans can worry, and we do. Sometimes it seems like the stressors in our lives are too numerous to keep track of. How can we protect ourselves and our families from all of the forces that threaten us? Some of our fears – hunger, homelessness, disease, poverty, loneliness – are timeless and intrinsic to the human experience. Others seem to be more recent inventions, though they are no less burdensome: job insecurity, substance abuse, pressure to conform and consume, technological addictions of various sorts. Add to these school shootings. Terrorism. A toxic political environment. Sometimes the world seems to be losing its mind.
How can we keep from collapsing beneath the onslaught? All around us, we see the effects: a soaring suicide rate, a burgeoning addiction crisis and a skyrocketing incidence of clinical depression. For those not in the throes of full-blown crisis, there is a simmering anxiety.
"Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"
– Matthew 6:27
For 21st-century American Catholics, swept up in the frenzy of contemporary life, it can be nearly impossible to keep priorities in perspective. On a day-to-day basis, too much of a good thing, or too many options, can create as much disquiet as dire threats. Meanwhile, too many of us are running in circles. And too many of us feel alone.Fortunately, there is a way out of the maze, and it starts at the door of your parish. Walk in, and you will see that you are not alone: God is there to help you find your way, and your priest and parish community are there as well. Say a prayer. Meditate. Ask for help if you need it. Offer help if you are able. Then open your mind and heart to the ways in which the Church can help bring balance, purpose and peace to your soul.
St. Martin de Porres, Poughkeepsie.#1: CONNECTION– TO COMMUNITY, FAMILY AND GOD
“We go to church not just for ourselves and God, but for the community,” says Ela Milewska, director of the Office of Youth Faith Formation of the Archdiocese of New York. “Sometimes you’re there for the person sitting beside you. And sometimes they are there for you.”
None of us has to go it alone – and none of us should. The Church is the mystical body of Christ, and all Catholics are a part of it... as long as they show up and choose to participate.
Step one is simply going to Mass. The community gathers every Sunday not as a passive audience, but as participants in a ritual of faith and mutuality, praying and singing and contemplating together the mystery of life and the sacrifice of Christ. “Let us offer one another a sign of peace,” the priest says, and the parishioners turn to one another. A murmur arises and quietly fills the church with the joined voices of each congregant: peace.
Read the bulletin for opportunities to deepen your involvement in the community. Find out if there’s a coffee hour after Mass. Look at the list of group meetings within the parish, and find one that fits your interests. Introduce yourself to the pastor or a priest or deacon. Ask questions. Join in.
"We are not alone, for we are the people of God."
– Pope Francis, St. Peter's Square, June 26, 2013
Of course your faith community does not end at the borders of the parish. The archdiocese provides avenues to connect you to God and the Church and your fellow Catholics on both a local and regional basis. Its particular offices – Family Life, Young Adult Outreach, Youth Faith Formation, Adult Faith Formation and others – offer support, counseling and events that bring together people with common interests.
#2: SERVICE – TO OTHERS IN NEED
Nothing puts our own troubles in perspective like helping others, and nothing brings peace of mind like knowing that our work is actually bringing comfort. A secondary benefit of service is that it brings volunteers closer to their community through fellowship with other volunteers and social connection to the people they are helping.
Beware the inner voice saying you’re too busy or that you will have to wait until your kids are out of the house. It’s worth making time for service, especially for parents, as there are great opportunities to volunteer with your kids, imparting valuable life lessons in the process.
"Whoever brings blessings will be blessed, and one who waters will himself be watered."
– Proverbs, 11:25
If you haven’t done any volunteering for a while, start at the parish level. If you have useful skills or a particular area of interest, tell your pastor or another parish leader. An act of service can be as simple as baking cookies for a parish bake sale or as demanding as coordinating a major fundraiser, although it’s probably a good idea to start small. Eventually you could be teaching religious education classes, serving meals for a community soup kitchen, delivering coats to the needy or even helping build a house for a homeless family.Those who would like to make a contribution beyond the parish level will find plenty of programs in the archdiocese happy to put their gifts to work. Under the umbrella of Catholic Charities of New York (catholiccharitiesny.org), dozens of agencies put out calls for volunteers. In this issue, see “Table of Plenty” for information on programs geared to fighting hunger and “Compassion in Action” for ways to help refugees and asylum-seekers find a home free of danger and oppression. Finally, ArchCare (archcare.org), the healthcare agency of the Archdiocese of New York, welcomes volunteers in its programs for the elderly and the chronically ill.
#3: KNOWLEDGE – LEARNING THE TRUTHS OF THE FAITH
Confusion and ignorance are disquieting to the human spirit. We cannot look calmly upon the day if we don’t understand the real nature of creation and our place in it. To this end, the Church offers faith formation tools to Catholics at all stages of life.
It’s well known that the parishes and schools of the Archdiocese of New York offer religious education to children beginning in the pre-kindergarten years. But many Catholics are unaware that faith formation services are also provided to those beyond their school years.
"Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding."
– Proverbs 3:13
Many parishes offer bible study for adults, as well as other classes, lectures, panel discussions and excursions tailored to deepen knowledge and understanding of Christ’s message and the practices of the faith. In addition to training leaders at the parish level, the archdiocese hosts public programs and lectures at St. Joseph’s Seminary in Yonkers. The Young Adult Outreach Office (catholicnyc.com) offers educational events and even international trips, including recent pilgrimages to Fatima and Lourdes.The Church is also incorporating technology in this mission. “It used to be that if you wanted to participate in faith formation, you had to be able to attend evening or weekend sessions at the parish hall,” says Daniel Frascella, director of Adult Faith Formation for the Archdiocese of New York. “Now you can save yourself the travel time by accessing digital tools.” Among these are Enlighten (fordham.edu/adny), a collaboration of the archdiocese and Fordham University, which offers online courses, and Formed (contact formed@archny.org for your parish code), which provides an on-demand service featuring audio, video, e-books and feature-length films from some of the world’s most highly regarded Catholic sources.
#4: SUPPORT – PROGRAMS AND SERVICES TO HELP YOU COPE
There is no shame in asking for help. In each of our lives, there will be moments when we feel unequal to our circumstances, or when we just can’t solve our problems for ourselves. Fortunately, the Church is there for us, and so is the Archdiocese of New York.
Few things are more stressful than experiencing a crisis in the family. Is your marriage showing signs of strain? Is your spouse or child facing a mental health or a substance abuse crisis? You don’t need to carry that burden alone.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find the answer; knock and the door will be opened to you."
– Matthew 7:7
“If you have a parish, you should go there first,” says Dr. Kathleen Wither, director of the archdiocese’s Family Life Office. In many cases, your pastor can offer emotional and spiritual support and may be able to point you to appropriate services as well as specific programs. For help with marriage, parenting or bereavement issues, Wither says, “If your parish isn’t sure how to direct you – or you don’t have a parish – you can contact the Family Life Office.” From there you’ll be connected to a specialist who will listen and direct you to appropriate services or programs.Catholic Charities can also help with counseling services if you or a loved one are facing severe depression, anxiety or suicidal ideation, or if you’re dealing with addiction or the threat of homelessness or deportation. ArchCare can assist with caring for a sick or elderly relative.
#5: LIBERATION – FROM SIN, ADDICTION, COMPULSION AND THE IMPERATIVES OF A SECULAR CULTUREThere is no peace for the slave of a wicked master. When a person is addicted to drugs or alcohol, technology or porn, they can never relax – and often their family and loved ones endure equal turmoil. To make matters worse, it’s hard to ask for help because that means admitting there is a problem.
“A person in an addiction crisis puts walls up. You’re ashamed,” says Nancy McCann Vericker, a youth minister and religious education director at Immaculate Heart of Mary in Scarsdale. Her book, Unchained (see Culture Corner), tells the story of her own family’s struggles with her son’s drug dependency. “In cases of illness, a community has norms – bake a cake, bring a dinner, offer a prayer,” Vericker says, “but addiction requires an additional level of grace.” Fortunately, her family had good relationships in their parish. “There were people I trusted. I knew they would not judge us,” she recalls. “It’s 95 percent relationships.”
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves by burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
– Galatians 5:1
For a family with no parish and no one to trust, the situation is more difficult – but not impossible. They can start with prayer, then talk to a local pastor or contact Catholic Charities (catholiccharitiesny.org) to seek counseling and treatment for the addicted person. It’s imperative that they break out of their isolation and accept help. “As a parish youth minister, I want young people to know that they are never alone,” says Ela Milewska. “There is God, and there is a community.”#6: PURPOSE – FINDING A ROLE IN THE CHURCH, IN THE COMMUNITY AND IN LIFE
“Until you reckon with the question of life’s meaning,” says Daniel Frascella, “even time spent in service may not fill the void.” In other words, volunteering by itself can end up being as anxiety-producing as any other work if it isn’t done in the context of a solid and informed faith in God.
To prevent this paradox and to deepen knowledge about the faith, the archdiocese is facilitating the continued rollout of Discovering Christ, a seven- week series of experiential lessons in the basic messages of Christianity framed by the theme, “What is the Meaning of Life?” Leaders have been trained in the program in more than 30 parishes, and beginning in September it will be offered for all Dutchess County parishes.
Many find that it helps if they take on a defined role in the life of a parish. There are numerous roles to fill: Men with a deep desire to serve and a readiness to make a very significant commitment of time and energy might consider studying to become a deacon (see "Ask a Priest: Should I consider becoming a deacon?"). Catechists are always needed. Slots may also be open for lectors, ushers and extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion (who serve the Eucharist at Mass or bring it to the homebound).
“There is no greater calling in the Church than to serve others. It brings a great sense of fulfillment,” says Deacon Francis B. Orlando, director of Diaconate Formation for the Archdiocese of New York. “Every Christian is called by God to serve.”
Graymoor Spiritual Life Center, Garrison.#7: MERCY – RECEIVING THE GRACE AND LOVE OF GOD
The path to God’s mercy is not hidden or secret, but walking it is not easy. The prodigal son returned to his father, but only after he found himself starving, searching for food among pigs – and even then he walked home hoping only to attain the status of a servant. To step into the light of God’s love and fully receive His grace, we must be honest with ourselves... and humble.
For Nancy Vericker, the sacrament of reconciliation offers “holy respite” to a Catholic in trying times; Jesuit theologian John Hardon called it “a divinely instituted means of giving us peace of soul.” Most parishes also hold other rituals to uplift the spirit: devotions, morning prayer, novenas, Eucharistic adoration. These actively focus the mind of the participant on his or her relationship with God, which puts into perspective temporal worries about job, money, status and social slights.
"The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works."
– Psalms 145:8-9
One element present in many of these rituals is a practice that is popular in the secular culture as a stress-reducing tool. “You hear a lot of talk in the wider culture about meditation, as if it had been invented in the late 20th century,” says Msgr. Douglas Mathers, vice chancellor of the Archdiocese of New York and pastor of St. John the Evangelist / Our Lady of Peace in Manhattan. “But the Catholic Church has been practicing meditation for centuries in one form or another.”Those who would like to practice meditation in a Catholic setting should consider visiting one of the archdiocese’s retreat centers (see “Channeling Peace”). There, depending on the season, you may contemplate the lilies of the field: “They toil not, neither do they spin: yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these... Be not therefore anxious for the morrow: for the morrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” (Matthew 6:28-34)